For the past three years, I worked in the Adult Entertainment Industry as a writer and through that experience, I learned so many new things about sex and sexuality that in return taught me how to feel more empowered as a woman. I went into this job with very little knowledge about not only the industry itself but also about human sexuality overall. The time I worked in this industry definitely showed me how to feel good in my skin and that being a woman can be exhilarating.
1. There is a lot more to sex then well, sex.
If you’re one of those people who just jump right into sex, you’re doing it wrong. Do some research and educate yourself on all aspects of sex, such as foreplay. Foreplay can really make the experience much more arousing than just going at it right away. People think it’s strange but watching porn actually taught me that there are so many other ways to be pleasured. Knowing that allowed me to incorporate new things into my own sex life and feel this empowerment as a woman.
2. The most important thing between you and a partner is being on the same page.
Whether you are with a significant other or a one night stand, communication is an important aspect of sex, and allows you both to enjoy the time together equally. I've found that a lot of women are afraid to communicate with their partners because they either just believe this person is on the same page as them or because they don't want to stir the pot, so to speak. But little do they know that being able to have an open and serious conversation about sex is the most significant part of any relationship.
3. Educating yourself can be extremely liberating.
My education on sex and sexuality had been very slim until college when I took a Human Sexuality course, and even after that I felt completely overwhelmed with what I learned after entering the Adult Industry. Seeing how powerful these women are in their everyday lives gave me the confidence to explore this world and find my own power within.
4. Being an insider allowed me to see how business savvy the performers are.
The Adult Industry is more than what you see on your screens, it’s a business just like any other industry. During my time, I attended some trade shows for the industry and met some performers. Watching and learning how the business end of the industry works showed me that many of these men and women, mostly pretty young, know a lot about doing business and good business for that matter. Every performer has his or her own brand that they built on their own. That's more than I can say for myself. This made me want to know more about business and how the industry works. I learned about various aspects of business I would've never even thought about in the past. And as they say, with knowledge comes power.
5. Writing about sex made me more open-minded in my everyday life.
When I first began in the industry, I sort of shied away from writing about the more personal topics mostly because I was ashamed or scared to discuss these things. It felt wrong to want to open up about that part of my life to strangers, but as time went on I realized that this was a silly way to feel. I've written about tons of other personal stories in the past, why was this any different. Well, it wasn't, I was just insecure about that area of my life. Once I felt ready and began writing about my personal sex life, I became more open-minded about other areas of my life that I honestly didn't know much about. As my eyes opened in this area of my life, I began to see the world and my life differently as a whole and it has been the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.
6. I learned it isn’t shameful to talk about sex.
To go off the last section, it seems to me that talking about sex has somehow become cliché, but in my opinion, talking about sex is healthy and can be educational. People are going to learn about sex somehow, so why not discuss it with friends who you feel comfortable with. Having seen how open some women are when discussing their sex lives made me realize that it is not shameful to be this open but helpful to someone, even if you don't see it happening. Being able to have an honest conversation is the most empowering feeling because it opens new doors that you may not even have known existed.
7. Saying no is healthy.
No matter what people tell you, saying no to something you do not want to do is extremely healthy and definitely allowed. I always thought that saying no made me seem lame or boring, but that's not the case at all. If you don't want to do something, or wear something, or be involved in something, you can say no. That is totally an okay thing to do. Especially when it comes to sex, if you don't want to do it, say no and make it clear. Be strong in your principles and go with your gut.
8. Knowing yourself and your body is the most powerful part of being a woman.
I had always felt sort of ashamed about my body, not that I felt ugly but I never had a strong connection with my own person. Knowing yourself and what makes you feel good is an extremely powerful part of being a woman. Having that confidence in yourself allows you to feel good and make choices based on who you are and what you enjoy.
9. I learned to be myself no matter what people say.
Being in this industry for the last three years showed me how powerful and strong women can be and how to become someone who feels good in my own skin. Going into my job, I had very low expectations. I never thought I would come out of it feeling so good about myself and my values. Being a strong woman makes me feel empowered in my everyday life and in no way makes me alone or unlovable. Instead, I believe it has changed my views and my life for the better.