Online Dating And Dating Apps Have Ruined Dating And Here’s Why
Updated: Feb 19, 2019
I was never one to use dating apps when they first came out. I always thought that they were just places to find sex, which I was perfectly capable of finding on my own in college. I mean, it’s college, everyone’s having sex. But once I moved to Los Angeles, I decided to give dating apps a try. At first, I barely used it, I went on maybe 3 dates and they were all terrible. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why these dates were always bad. Was it me? Was I not pretty or interesting enough? Then one day, I was on a date with this guy and it was already going poorly so I asked him if he’d had trouble with finding girls who he was attracted to and he replied, “I’m not really looking for someone serious right now, so it’s been okay”. That’s when it hit me, most of the guys on these apps aren’t looking for love, their looking for a potential fuck buddy.
Since this digital era began, the interaction between people on dates and in general has changed in a way that I believe hurts the process of dating. The question that comes to my mind is, how does one tell if they are on a date that might become something, or if the other person just wants to have sex? It’s perfectly normal to just want sex, but at the same time it can hurt other unsuspecting people. You may be there for sex, but the other person may go home thinking they’ve found their person. This confusion is just one part of how these apps have changed the way we date.
I suspect that these dating sites and apps have changed the way people interact with one another. I can’t speak for queer men or women, but in my experience with men, it seems that because they can so easily find sex through these apps, they have started to act differently with me in person as well. I feel that generally people believe that they can’t meet someone in person anymore and that is not true, but having the easy access to swiping through potential significant others has changed our view of dating.
Dating apps and websites pit singles against each other without them even knowing. It’s a constant competition of who can get a date and who can’t. With all those choices at your fingertips, you may push away someone who is great for you because you think someone better is out there. Honestly, just because you have all these choices, doesn’t mean that there is someone better out there. If we didn’t have these easily accessible options, then we’d let our guard down and maybe connect with someone. Crazy, right?!
Having an abundant amount of potential significant others right in the palm of our hands has made people indecisive as to what they really want from a partner. It has reshaped the way we think about ourselves and others in general. It has given us this idea that fairytales exist, but in reality, they don’t. In my personal experience, when dates are going poorly, I know I’m thinking, “Well there’s got to be something better out there.” We do it without even realizing. This online world we live in has changed us and we didn’t even notice it happening.
I can’t say if there’s a way to fix this. The only advice I can give is to be present when you are with someone. Don’t be thinking about who else is out there, just try to connect with this person in front of you and if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay. At least you gave it a shot. It's time for us to be in the moment and stop worrying about what could be.